“Now all of us can come to the Father through the same Holy Spirit because of what Christ has done for us.”
Ephesians 2:18 NLT
In writing of forgiveness I am absolutely convinced of the reality of God’s forgiveness of my sin, the fracture that can prevent me from acting and being the person I desire to be. However, the degree to which I can forgive myself for deliberate acts of wilful disobedience varies, more often than not upon my mood. My psychological health can decide how forgiven I choose to be. So while able to present the theological basis for forgiveness with all sincerity, within I may be crumbling beneath the weight of what can only be imagined guilt, if I have made my peace with God.
Slowly I am coming to learn that living with an experience of forgiveness, one that encompasses every aspect of my social, emotional and spiritual self, is only possible to the degree to which I position myself present with God. It is only through the Spirit that I am able to discern and encounter God. If I merely check some box on a self-administered, catechist’s questionnaire, I remain quite some distance from enjoying the fruit of forgiveness.
All my well-intentioned activities to rescue Katey from her MS came to nothing. All the while I was designing and implementing my plans, I was far from God. The intention appeared appropriate, even generous, but I was failing God, myself and Katey. This was Katey’s personal journey and God was with her in every step. Her task was to find God, make peace with herself in him and know she was loved and accepted throughout. Oh, the temptation to interpret sickness as some form of punishment for wrongdoing! How challenging to embrace it as God’s means of grace in a complicated world. My job was to encourage, pray and together with her, seek to encounter God on the journey. I needed to get myself out of the way, dismount from my white charger, dispense with the knight’s armour and just be a broken, loving spouse. So much simpler, and it brought us both so much closer to God.
QUESTION
Are there are any areas where you may be resisting the will of God in your life?
PRAYER
Lord, may you give me ears to hear your Spirit’s voice as the Spirit speaks and leads me.
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