SPEAKING TO THE SOUL

When in something of a ‘blue’ mood, I find it difficult to summon the energy or cast my imagination to consider the glorious majesty of God. My failure to do so takes not one jot of glory away from God. It merely obstructs my ability to encounter him in the feelings that surround my immediate circumstances. Such feelings, moods, are the normal experiences we all have at times, some with a far greater intensity than others. While my mood takes nothing away from God, equally I am no less precious in God’s eyes or removed one inch from God’s heart of love because of my low mood. God loves us as he finds us.

However, I can choose to take time and deliberately consider the awesome character and nature of God. While I might yearn for a miracle to solve all my angst, I am to be encouraged by the testimony scripture offers indicating God’s engagement with humanity throughout history, of which miracles are but a small percentage. I say that as someone who has seen God act in miraculous ways.

So I choose to look away from my own disappointments. To acknowledge my ‘blue’ mood and embrace it for what it is in the moment. I can choose, even as I am shaken to my core with anxiety, to consider God’s grace, goodness and track record. To gaze on God while managing my own internal struggles is something I have come to appreciate and practise, with difficulty, I confess.

I have also grown far more comfortable with speaking of my primary commitment to God with all I socialise with. I am not seeking to proselytise, merely speaking of my life choices and experiences. I’ve finally taken the decision that to be with God is my primary interest in life, and as other interests fade, I grow more comfortable in my pursuit of God and speaking about it, even as it is shrouded in unanswered questions.