“A second is equally important: “Love your neighbour as yourself.””
Matthew 22:39 NLT
For a long time I thought of loving my neighbour as my responsibility to do good by them, regardless of how I felt. It was an ‘ought’ on the disciple’s ‘to-do’ list. I’ve learned it’s also about my need to be sociable and build relationally with others. However, my confession is simple; I’m not good at building relationships.
Growing up, I loved my own company. From as early as I can remember, I took myself off and created my own den on top of the coal bunker at the bottom of our small garden. Hidden from the house by a spreading tree, here I had great thoughts and discovered the power and delight of imagination. When indoors I’d creep behind the settee, lie on my tummy and read historical novels and detective stories.
It wasn’t until I became a Christian that I discovered the importance of participation. It was a revelation to me as I signed up for a weekend away with my church that people got together, sang and relaxed, playing charades. I admit to feeling self-conscious and exposed, which meant I came over as socially awkward. Then I met Katey, and as we got to know each other she kindly and quietly ‘socialised’ me. I appeared to have few skills in hospitality.
With Katey’s illness I drew breath, stepping back from the limelight. Now I had my space once again, yet my anger and confusion drove people away. This was a part of my defence, preferring isolation to company. So when Katey died I was on my own, with many fractured relationships. Even those whom I respected and who’d walked with me through the dark times I no longer had any meaningful relationship with.
Contemplation ran the danger of providing me with an escape into a reclusive life. But this was not God’s plan. I discovered the true love of neighbour as I found I needed social interaction with others and they needed it with me. Not in some transactional way, which I think was the source of my discomfort in my previous role in ministry, but simply to share stories, share life and encounter God together.
QUESTION
How can you build healthy social connections with people around you?
PRAYER
Loving Father, thank you for the gift of being able to love and share in this life with others.
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